


Crime

by Michael_Ackart



Series: Red-Handed [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Earthborn, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mass Effect 1, No Sex, custom Shepard - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 21:10:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2403002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michael_Ackart/pseuds/Michael_Ackart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard has always been vague about his life before the Alliance. But when an 'old friend' from his teenage years on Earth comes looking for a favor on the Citadel, he's forced to tell Kaidan the story</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crime

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any interest in my Cal Shepard's life before the military, he explains it here. If you don't, there will be a separate part two full of hot gay sex (that can be read alone). I can't help myself

“You’ll be beyond lucky if it’s still there. How’d you even lose your wallet?” Shepard laughed as he walked in the direction of Chora’s Den. “Hey...you weren’t distracted by the dancers, were you?”

Kaidan rolled his eyes and bumped the brunette’s shoulder with his own. “It wasn't a wallet, just some credits. And I was too busy staring at your ass and the way it looks in those jeans.”

“Pfft, that better be your answer.”

The lieutenant grinned and was about to say something entirely inappropriate to his recently acquired boyfriend, but someone ahead stopped him. “Hey...Cal? Someone’s looking at us.” He was surprised when the commander noticeably tensed.

A glare was set on the younger man’s face and he slowly walked closer to the man standing near the club entrance.

“Do you know him?” Kaidan asked quietly.

No, Shepard didn’t know this man specifically. But he recognized the intricate blood red lines that came to form a dagger on his right arm. It was a tattoo he was quite familiar with because Cal had the same one inked into his own skin when he was just fourteen.

“What do you want?” Shepard growled.

The stranger put his hands out and had the audacity to look nervous. “Hey hey, Shepard. The name’s Finch. I come in peace and all that. No need to act so hostile towards your old friends. The Reds send their regards.”

Kaidan stood behind his boyfriend, feeling very confused but ready to put this guy down if necessary. He stayed quiet for the moment, curious to see how the commander dealt with the stranger.

“Fuck you and the fuck the Reds. You guys were never my friends. Now tell me why you’re here before I put my fist in your stomach.” Just seeing this man set Cal’s carefully controlled temper off. He had a lot of mixed emotions about his youth, about the years he spent in his old gang. The man’s presence set off many memories that he spent the better part of his adult life trying to repress. There was too much going on for him to be bothered with their petty business.

“Fine, I’ll get to the point. One of our boys, Curt Weisman, was arrested for a minor offence. There’s a turian guard in the Den and we’d like it if you...convinced him to release Curt. If not, well, I’m sure the galaxy would love to know more about Commander Shepard’s mysterious past.”

“You think you can blackmail me? Who cares what a fucking street rat like you says? You’re nothing.”

“I’m you, Shepard. You’ll always be one of us and you know how influential some of our contacts can be.” Finch’s eyes then turned to the lieutenant. “How about him, Shep? Does he know about all the things you did on Earth?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes,” he lied. “Lucky for me, he likes naughty boys. Look, if it’s a minor offence, I’ll see what I can do. But that’s it. I never want to see you or the Reds ever again.”

“That’s fine with us. I'll point you towards the right alien...”

Shepard glared at him before heading into the club. His boyfriend was right behind him and he knew he'd be asking any-

“Cal, what’s going on?”

“I...fuck,” he breathed in frustration. He turned to the older man. “Kay, just...I’ll explain later, okay? Let’s deal with this first.”

He sighed. “Yeah, okay. But are you sure this is a good idea? I wonder what the ‘minor offence’ was.”

“Finch is probably lying. We’ll see after we talk to the guard.”

After a few minutes with the turian, Shepard decided against freeing the prisoner. It wasn’t minor at all, Weisman poisoned a medical convoy that could’ve killed millions of turians. In the twelve years since Cal left the Tenth Street Reds behind, they had morphed into a very anti-alien group. They’d always been a bit xenophobic—himself included at one point—but it was nothing like this. He’d figure something out about the blackmail, it wasn’t worth letting this maggot run free. Shepard walked away but was dragged to a corner a few moments later.

“Now what?” Kaidan asked him, worry evident in his voice.

“I don’t know...I can’t let him go, he tried to kill a colony.”

“I didn’t realize they were so anti-alien.”

“They weren’t always like that. Come on, we need to deal with Finch.”

The two soldiers returned outside the club and approached the gang member. “Fuck off,” Cal announced. “He tried to poison an entire turian colony. He’s a fucking murderer.”

“So this is what the Alliance has done to you? Did you forget that you’re a criminal too? You’re not the fucking boy scout you pretend to be, Shepard.”

“Stealing medical supplies is a lot different from poisoning them. You guys are fucking disgusting, there’s a reason I left that life behind.”

He kicked off the wall he was leaning on and stood straight. “Yeah, I’ve heard the stories. You joined the military to be with your little boyfriend. Even took his name like you were married.”

Shepard’s eyes darkened. If this man dared to say anything about Ryan he would rip his goddamn head off. Finch didn’t seem to notice or, if he did, he certainly wasn’t taking the commander seriously.

“You know, he was a proud member of the Tenth Street Reds for years,” the man continued, his words now directed at Kaidan. But as he focused on the black-haired sentinel, he ignored Shepard and the dangerous way his hands twitched. “Yep, I’m sure the galaxy will love that. But then one of your guys shows up and he betrays us, goes to live with him even.” He turned back to Cal, stepping closer to the commander who was fighting so hard to keep control. “You were the Reds’ number one slut. Is it true he gave you money or did you let him fuck you for free?”

Finch never saw the biotic throw that sent him slamming into the metal wall behind him. Kaidan’s eyes widened at the display and he didn’t need to check to know the gang member was dead. He glanced at Shepard. The man was breathing hard, staring at the corpse he created with a whirlwind of emotion in his eyes.

“Spectre authority, cunt,” Cal murmured before turning away.

Kaidan followed him, highly curious and alarmed. But he knew they couldn’t talk freely here. They were staying on the Citadel for a few days so the couple had paid for a hotel. He wanted to drag Shepard to their room and demand an explanation for what just happened. But he knew the commander and getting the truth from him wasn’t going to be easy.

“Fuck!” Shepard suddenly shouted, his fist beating on the wall.

Kaidan stood unflinching. But after a few moments, he carefully approached him and grabbed his arm. Cal looked at him, seeing all the questions that burned in his amber eyes.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Shepard growled.

“Was what he said true?” the lieutenant asked. He wanted to know but his tone wasn’t accusatory or judgmental. His goal wasn’t to make Shepard feel guilty for his troubled and mysterious past.

“What? That I was in a gang, that I committed crime, that I was a whore? Yeah. Yeah, that all happened.”

“Who was the man he brought up?”

“...I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Cal-”

“I don’t want to talk about it!”

Kaidan hesitated, unsure if this was one of those moments where he was supposed to give the man some space or keep pressing for the truth.

“Just...leave me alone, Kay. I need some time to myself.”

And then the commander was storming off, leaving his surprised boyfriend behind. Kaidan let him go without another word. Part of him was angry that Cal had attitude with him, if he could be honest with anyone it was Kaidan. The rest of him was stunned at the new information and he realized that he really didn’t know that much about Cal’s life. He sighed and decided to kill some time around the Citadel. Cal would return to their hotel sooner or later.

10101010101

A couple hours later, Kaidan walked into the hotel room. Curtains were drawn over the large window and it took his eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness. When they did, he could see the outline of his boyfriend lying on the bed. Cal turned his head towards his direction but the lieutenant couldn’t make out the expression on his face. He stayed still as Shepard stood and opened the curtains to let artificial light pour in. Now Kaidan could see that he was clutching something to his chest. Cal understood the unspoken question and went over to a desk against the wall. He placed the bundle on the cool metal surface as his lover approached. Green eyes focused on the items and it looked as if he were lost in a memory.

The older sentinel placed his hand beside the objects—dog tags and a picture frame currently turned off. He picked up the frame and switched it on. A man he didn’t know appeared on the screen. He had dark brown eyes and short blonde hair. He wasn’t looking at the camera, the photo looked to be taken mid-laugh. He looked young, in his early twenties. The picture changed and Kaidan did recognize one of the people. A teenaged Cal. His hair was messy, and he lacked stubble and the scar across his right cheek bone. The blonde was next to him, an arm thrown around the future commander’s waist, and they both looked at least a little tipsy. Cal’s arm was out like he was the one taking the picture. Kaidan smiled, Cal looked happy. The third and final photo was of the pair again except this time they were both wearing Alliance uniforms and looked about ten years older. It seemed they were trying to be serious and failing. This was more recent, Cal looked nearly the same as he did now. He stared at the two men a minute longer before turning the frame off.

He glanced at the tags, knowing they belonged to the blonde. His hand reached for them so he could read what was on them.

Major Ryan...Shepard, Alliance Navy.

Kaidan stared at the name for what felt like ages. Shepard? But Cal was an orphan, he had no family whatsoever. He gazed up at the younger man in confusion. “Who was he?”

“My first friend,” Cal answered quietly. He moved back to the couch and sat down. Kaidan followed and put Shepard’s belongings on the coffee table. “Everything Finch said is true. I lived at an orphanage from a few weeks old to when I was thirteen, that’s when the Reds picked me up. I was their thief, and a good one.” He took a deep breath. He was nervous, not knowing how Kaidan would react to him not being the perfect upstanding soldier he pretended to be. “I was fifteen when I met Ryan, he was twenty-three. He found me being beaten by some rival gang and took me in. I was a dick to him initially, I couldn't believe someone would help another person without wanting something in return. But despite being an Alliance soldier, he gained my trust and eventually became the closest friend I’ve ever had, matched by only one other person.” His eyes looked to Kaidan thoughtfully at the end of that sentence.

“Is he the reason you joined the Alliance?”

He nodded. “He had a place on the nice side of town and I basically lived with him for two years. I was still in the gang but things grew...strained. I was nearing the end of my time with them, one way or another. Then when I was seventeen he sat me down and told me he had to go off planet for a year to help establish a new colony. I swear, that was one of the worst days of my life. I begged him not to go but he had to. I knew that. Before he left, I told the Reds I was done with them for good. But it’s hard, being a thief for them isn’t like being a waiter or a cab driver—you can’t just quit. But I did cut ties, for Ryan, to show him how much I’d changed because of him. Then he left and...I don't know, it was hard. I was alone. And for the first time, I didn’t know how to deal with that. It didn’t take long for me to end up homeless and I was scared the Reds were going to retaliate somehow. So one day I had one of my old contacts create fake documents saying I was eighteen and that my name was Cal Shepard then went to the Alliance base to enlist.”

“So you joined as a spontaneous thing?”

“He and I had talked about it before but it was nothing I’d taken too seriously until he was gone. I didn’t see any other choice.”

“How’d he react when you told him?”

He chuckled a little. “Surprised as hell and worried they’d find out I forged my papers. But then he was saying how proud he was of me, that I’d do well and go far. When I caused trouble or just wanted to give up and abandon ship, I’d remember what he said and that helped me push through.”

“He was right, you know.”

“I didn’t believe him, but it still made me feel good.”

“You guys were friends for a long time, that last picture can’t be more than a few years old.”

“I had him for ten years. He was with me through so much. After what happened on Akuze...he took a leave of absence and stayed with me until I was fit for duty again.”

“What happened to him?”

“Killed in combat four years ago. Another colonization, his squad was sent to clear out some of the hostile wildlife. Batarian pirates flanked them and there was just no escape. He and his team got most of them. The backup they called for cleared the rest, but it was too late.” Cal’s eyes closed as he tried to fight the feelings welling up inside him. “I miss him so much, Kay. I loved him. We weren’t related by blood but he was my family.”

“It sounds like he really loved you too.”

He let out a deep breath. “There, my life in a nutshell. Now you know.”

“Yeah...I do.”

The commander was uncharacteristically nervous. He was calm and collected in many situations, especially on the battlefield, and he tried very hard to control himself when he felt his temper flaring beneath the surface. But he was not calm now nor was he when he killed Finch. He was terrified of what Kaidan was going to say to him, the thought of losing him scared him more than anything.

“So...?”

“It’s a lot to take in, Cal. I feel surprised, I guess. I mean, I know you had a rough life growing up but being in a gang? You don’t have to feel bad about the things you did. You were a kid, you had no other choice.”

“I don’t feel bad about it,” he whispered.

“Then why do you look so guilty?”

“That person is as much a part of me as this current me is. I stole from people, beat them for money, I was racist and an all around asshole.”

“You're certainly not racist or an asshole now. So what kinds of people did you do those things to?”

“Drug addicts, shop owners and businessmen who were _not_ fucking innocent, other undesirables.”

“See, even now you’re trying to justify it.”

“I don’t need to _justify-_ ”

“I know, that’s not what I meant. I mean it sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself that it was okay. ‘They weren’t innocent,’ therefore, you don’t have to feel bad.”

He shook his head. “What does it matter?”

“It does matter. It matters to you a lot.”

“Yeah! Because, ‘cause...” He was afraid to look at his boyfriend. He didn’t want Kaidan to view him differently now. He didn’t want to see pity or disgust in those bright amber eyes he loved so much. But when a hand grabbed his stubbled chin and tilted his head up, he didn’t see any of those things. “Why are you okay with this, Kaidan? I know you, you should be disgusted with who I am.”

“Because when we got together, it wasn’t because I only wanted Commander Shepard. I wanted Cal and everything that came along with that. That teenager is a part of you and I can accept that. Maybe you don’t feel remorse for the crimes you committed, but you know what? That’s okay because look at what you’re doing now. You’re fighting to save the galaxy from Saren and the Geth. You’re willing to sacrifice yourself for billions of people you’ll never know, half of them who you wouldn’t even like anyways. You’re doing some big things, Cal, and if you can’t see the beautiful person I see, the one who’s shouldered this massive burden without complaint, if you can’t see how amazing that is then you’re a fucking idiot. I love you, all of you. The good, and the bad, and the parts that aren’t so black and white.”

Cal’s hand drifted up to place itself over the one that had moved to his cheek. He didn’t know how to respond, this whole conversation made him incredibly uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to opening up and making himself so vulnerable, it was something he actively avoided. “I love you too,” he eventually whispered.

“You don’t have to hide from me, Cal. Remember that.”

He nodded but then really thought about the older sentinel’s words. He didn’t need to hide. He didn’t need to have two different people warring for control inside him, Cal could be himself around this man. The commander was still stunned that Kaidan was taking all this information so well. He expected the other soldier to be disgusted and angry with him, which was why he kept so quiet about his past, even when Kaidan had opened up about his own.

“Thank you,” he murmured. Maybe Kaidan still had mixed feelings about the whole thing but if he did, he wasn’t showing that to Shepard.

“This doesn’t change things.”

Cal exhaled slowly. Words usually didn’t mean much to him—it was a person’s actions that showed their true character. But Kaidan’s words did bring him relief. He realized he believed the man, because he trusted him. And that...was a nice feeling.

“Come here.”

Shepard looked at him for a moment before crawling closer. When he was in range, Kaidan grabbed him and pulled the man into a simple hug. The biotics stared at the blank picture frame and the tags that rested upon the table in front of them. Cal pulled away briefly to grab his pictures. He turned it on and kept it on the first, two sets of eyes staring at the laughing blonde man.

“This is my favorite picture of him,” Cal said softly. “I don’t know what I said but we burst out laughing, and I just remember thinking how beautiful he looked in that moment. Heh, I think the people in the restaurant were hoping we’d get kicked out. Life was so much simpler for both of us when this was taken.”

“I’m sure it was.”

Cal brushed his hand across Ryan’s face. He had always considered himself lucky for having him in his life, even if their time was cut tragically short. And now he was fortunate enough to have another person to trust and to love. But Kaidan wasn’t a replacement—no, Shepard didn’t view him as that at all. His relationship with the biotic was different from the friendship he shared with Ryan, different but each special in its own way. Shepard’s trust was not easily gained but both men had successfully earned it. Now Kaidan was the one by his side and Cal could only hope they wouldn’t be split apart like he and Ryan.

Nothing was guaranteed, they could all die tomorrow. That was just the reality of their situation, and it was something he had learned as a kid, when crime and violence were just normal parts of everyday life. But Shepard knew how to find comfort where he could. He revelled in the strong arms around him, in the lips pressed softly in his hair, and how they all belonged to a man who accepted him fully. Kaidan knew he wasn’t the perfect commander everyone thought him to be, he knew Cal made mistakes and had fears and had been beaten down numerous times just to be built back up and thrown into battle again. Kaidan knew a lot about Shepard, more than anyone else now, and Cal knew that one day that thought wouldn’t scare him quite so much.

It'd be okay, maybe everything would end up okay. As fucked up as Shepard thought himself to be, that determined confident commander was a part of him too. If anyone in the galaxy could save them from the Geth, it was him. The Alliance supported him, his crew believed in him, and Kaidan stood right beside him ready to go wherever this battle led them.

Realizing how much he did have, it was enough to soothe the conflict within his own mind.

“You surprise me sometimes,” Cal murmured, moving so he lied across Kaidan’s lap, his head cushioned on the couch arm.

“You surprise me too,” Kaidan answered. A ghost of a grin played on his lips.

“You’re not secretly planning to unleash your anger out on me later, are you?”

“No guarantees. Though you’d probably enjoy it.”

“You know me well, Lieutenant.” He put his hand over the picture frame that sat on his chest. One of Kaidan’s hands came to rest atop his.

“I do. I know you’re reckless and sorta crazy and braver than anyone I’ve ever met. You definitely know how to make life interesting.”

“I guess that’s one word for it. Glad I’m able to entertain you.”

“You do more than that.” His free hand brushed through Shepard’s chocolate brown hair. “You okay?”

He laughed a little. No one was okay right now, but he knew what Kaidan meant. “Yeah, I will be. You caught me red-handed but it wasn’t at all like I thought it’d be.”

“Yes, the great Commander Shepard was wrong about something.”

“Better call ANN.”

“Nah, I think I’ll keep this story all to myself.”

Kaidan leaned down to kiss him, hands still twined on the frame. It’d been a wild ride so far—hell, Shepard’s whole life had been. But for the moment, he was content to relax and let the anxiety he felt slowly disappear. His life had taken a lot of unexpected turns over the years and he was glad to say today had been a good one.


End file.
